Realizations......

Hi all~
Been awhile since I have been able to dedicate time to my blog, to really sit down and speak from my heart..this week I kid you not my heart in real life nearly gave out. I was so sick, had simply been so focused on the house being clean, working a full load, not sleeping, not taking care of ME. It is hard to just say ME when I am a single mom to 3 little wee-ones for most of the time. Yes I get my mini-breaks here and there but for the most part it is ME and I am damn proud of that but with that being said I nearly left my family without me this week. It started just after I had my thyroidectomy in mid-December, life returned back to normal as it always does and I zoomed back into my routine with 3 kiddos under 3 which ANY mom out there can attest kids are hard, but multiples add a certain extra busy part to any given minute, hour or day...I got sicker with GI stuff and Thyroid stuff and never reached out. Took my medicine and always thought.."Tomorrow would be better". Well that "tomorrow" came crashing in on me this past Monday morning and I literally thank God and those around me for reaching to catch me as I was falling. Monday morning I woke up feeling awful as always yet this morning was different, my stomach issues were worse pain, my tiredness was worse and I was in a new amount of pain I cannot explain to anyone but God. I got the beautiful trio to daycare safely and got to my office by God's gentle hand and then one of my officer's I hold dear came in my office and I knew, KNEW I must reach out. I needed help and I was not thinking clearly, I was sick and needed care. She went and got my boss who I hold in very high regard, he is literally the best boss I could ever, ever ask for and he happened to be a Dr. I told him what was going on, he said I had a few choices but all included the hospital, and NOW. We needed to coordinate care for my kids, DONE he said, care for my job, DONE he said, and then I made the call to my neighbor Kathy who is my Colorado mom, my confidant, my family. She talked with my boss, we were making this happen....DONE as my boss always says...I was driven to the ER, taken back and there went the not to great events. I had an ER Dr who said he could handle "real" and "live" issues but not issues that had been haunting me for some part of the the last 28 years. So we left, Kathy brought me home, I was deflated, depressed and scared as I knew I was getting worse, I could feel it. Kathy went and got the kids, got them to bed, stayed on my couch that night and the next morning after daycare drop off of my kids whom I adore more than anything we tried the ER again as instructed. This time we got answers, we got blood work done STAT and the same Dr sauntered back into my room with an air of arrogance that I still have a bad taste of and said to Kathy and myself..."What do you want me to do?" ADMIT HER was Kathy's response, so he started the paperwork then. Kathy ran to grab lunch, call my boss and a few others, handle some calls and she would be right back, I had an angel with me that day in the form of a big and burly Paramedic who was a former Navy Corps Man who had been to BUDS, and for any of you military out there you know BUDS is the tough stuff. He stayed by me, talked to me...then I began to crash, my vitals simply began to tank, I was shutting down, could see with my eyes as a former medic that my body was sick, very sick and I was steps away from ICU or worse. It became so bad I literally could not speak, I simply could only nod but that was better than nothing per my Paramedic Nate who still was by my side. Things settled, I was admitted to my room and the Dr's began flooding in. After many days of MANY tests, some painful I ended up in severe Hypothyroidism since I have no thyroid, but with all of my stomach trouble the medication that I needed was not being absorbed so that was problem one. Second is Gastro-Paresthis for which there is no cure but with lifestyle and diet modification can be do-able. It is essentially the upper portion of my intestine that is paralyzed and finally I have Colangelous(SP?) Colitis in my lower intestine and with medication and again diet modification to include life modification I will return to somewhat normal. I will have flares but need to learn to reach out, take the help and not take it all on as I tend to. I should feel somewhat more myself in a few months, and thankfully my folks flew out the next day this all happened. I had Don and Kathy and the Red Cross even got Jason home for 30 plus depending how this month goes. Work is in my future again but will be shelved for several weeks sadly and most of you who really know me know I LOVE my job but I love my life and my family more. Currently Jason is home caring for the kids, my folks bless their hearts flew home last night and Don and Kathy are simply always there...A few steps away. I wanted to say thank you to EVERYONE out there who reached out to me, my family and everything in between. I am blessed, BLESSED, BLESSED! I am no longer going to take it ALL ON because folks it can happen, even to the healthy, sit down and enjoy. Smell the roses if you will! I plan to get better and be better when Jason returns to Korea not only physically but mentally because the single mom gig will resume and my trio NEEDS me, but I need me first. I somehow forgot that....I wanted to share my story and my growth over the last week, thank you to all who read, comment, support, etc...It means the world! Much love from Colorado and now safely from MY OWN HOME and NOT the hospital! Yay!

~Sarah <3