Contemplative evening...Ok ok, those who REALLY know me...TOOOO CONTEMPLATIVE!

Hi All~

Really was not feeling the whole blog thing tonight or to talk to anyone or anything...For a few reasons and if you want to hear a totally HAPPY story than please stop reading now. I am going through real life issues and have real life feelings, so it has been a tough day just so you all know. It started with my really never sleeping going on a week now. Sadly this is due to lower abdominal pain, it literally cuts like a knife and I am handling it with no pain medications because those could mess with my progress I have made so I grin and bear it so to speak. This has taken ALL MY energy, my kids came home from daycare today and it took all I had to get up from my spot and give kisses, hugs and have them tell me about their day. Then Jason took Kellan to grab them all dinner. I had a chicken breast, I am still missing those times where I can get a hamburger etc...But Gluten is the little Devil in my life now. He lurks everywhere, and he attacks when you least expect it sadly....I am reading some books, several actually, and looking for easy recipies etc...Because this is a change MY ENTIRE FAMILY will make the transition with me. I have no need for Jack in the Box or Mcdonald's but to say I can is the weird part. I wake up in the morning and try find something to eat for breakfast. Well this morning I hit the jackpot! Puffed rice, plain from whole foods, some gluten free coconut milk and some berries of your choice! Talk about delish!! :-) Then came lunch which I dread, because again I am tired of the same stuff I filling my face with, then finally got a call from my GI Dr, I sprung an infection in my lower intestine so I am on antibiotics now because I look 5 months pregnant...(Cry) It seems with all of the pills I have to take to get rid of the infection etc it is making me feel worse....Not better....???? I know it is NOT forever, I need to make that my mantra...That I need to simply deal for a little bit longer, also GI Dr said I had "sludge" in my gallbladder so who knows there. What I do know is that I am still set for surgery on April 23rd and I PRAY, PRAY, PRAY it takes away some pain and answers some questions. I am optimistic, also right now we are trying to get Jason back here for the time being, as I am sick and will need 6 months to heal per all the specialists...And we need to see if we can get out of our Germany assignment which can be a pain. The military makes nothing easy eh?

Then I read a post that changed my mind set and frankly my poor Sarah day...My dear friend lost a friend today, a friend of her's passed away with in a blink of an eye and it shows me how quick our lives are. Tonight when I talked to Jason's grandma she said in the bible it states we will go like Vapor or quickly as Vapor. WOW! Very sad and I pray for their family, and I had the privelage to meet her, HOW LUCKY I WAS!!!!

So at the end of the day as the night time breeze is flowing through my windows, and my kids are sleeping I need to not get frustrated and just better damn it. Why do I complain? I feel like such a bad person for complaining but I want to be a good mommy and play with my kids again, but I simply cannot right now. Prayers for my friend's family please, they will need it....

Much love to you all
~S