Highs and lows-and everything in between-

My week started off like any other week, with the best of intentions, plans for dinners, lunches, spending family time together, studying, and making time for ME.  I started my week excited about making the decision to be my children's soccer coach.  A few reasons why, #1 If I coach they play for FREE and 3 registrations at 75.00 a kiddo-well no question! Mama is going to dust of her soccer skills and coach! #2 I want to teach my children something, and spend more quality time with them.  I will be honest, my job is not physically taxing so much as mentally taxing so sadly my husband and children get drained sarah/mommy when we get home.  I am trying each day to get better at not being the zombie!  Each day is a new day to make it better than the last!  I have been attempting to re-enter the exercise world and it is slow but steady as well as eating better than I typically do because honestly I eat like crap at times- but don't we all? 

Next is the part not many like to have open and out there for the world to know, to see.  I have no problem in sharing that I have struggled with depression for as long as I can remember.  Even as a little kid I remember feeling it yet being far too young to really understand what I was dealing with.  My depression has gotten 100% better these past 8 months with dedication, honesty, openness, counseling, exercising and a few other things.  I have good days and bad days-don't we all?  We would not be human if we did not admit to those bad days coupled with the good.  I have far more good now and that is a wonderful thing I can say with complete honesty.  Depression can be something that takes over though, can make your thinking unclear, your focus not correct and you can be well...At rock bottom.  I have been at rock bottom and literally clawed my way back up brick by brick.  I am proud of that.  I am not proud of what my depression, my poor me ways, and general lack of disregard for others has made me do though.  Those are the things that will always be in my heart.  I lost someone close to us this week, this person struggled with depression and other demons only they could express.  The pain that they felt daily I could only imagine, they decided to end their life and that has put an ache on my heart that I have a hard time expressing.  I have a hard time thinking about it because I have been there, planning my "exit" if you will and having no regard for others because sadly I was too focused on my hurt, my pain, my stuff.  Thankfully I got help and was able to change for the better, but those actions will forever hurt my friends, my family, my husband, my kids, and myself.  I am forever reminded of that dark time-and the only thing I can say is if you EVER feel that way reach out.  Reach out to anyone, at any time, because I promise you-you will be welcomed with open arms and help and plans to get you back on the right path. 

Do I feel 100% all the time?  No, but does anyone ever really feel that way? Truly?  This post is short and void of pictures and the like.  It is filled with my feelings on this sad subject.  I will forever miss this person that is gone from our lives, they made an impact on me and it will never be forgotten.  I bid you all a good night.  Hug those kids a little tighter, reach out to those friends and family members that perhaps you have been too "busy" for, etc.  Time is not promised so take the here and the now and do something positive!  Make a change.  Welcome February with open arms and a new take on things.

Love to you all-
blessings always.

~S